Making A Difference

Many people think success and significance are synonymous, but there is actually a huge difference between the two.  A favorite author of mine, John C. Maxwell, wrote a great article on the difference between success and significance.  To sum it up, John says that success comes from adding value to yourself, while significance is about adding value to others.

For most people it takes a lifetime to see what truly matters.  When we're in our 20's, 30's and 40's most of us are focused on improving our own lives and becoming successful.  Then we age a little bit more and in our 50's we realize that personal success isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's easy to have every material possession you can think of and still feel empty inside.  However, when you are making a difference in the lives of other people, then you are on the road to true significance and very little else will ever satisfy you.

I have always loved the expression, "Teach a man to fish and then he can fish for himself." Imagine what would happen if the person you taught went on to teach someone else. Now your efforts have changed from simple addition to multiplication.

For me, the 'ah-ha' moment came after watching the movie "Pay It Forward" and then reading a short story about starfish on the beach.

Once upon a time (all good stories start with that phrase) there was an old man who liked to walk on the beach at daybreak.  As the man came down to the beach he noticed there were thousands of starfish that had been washed up on shore by a storm the night before.  Off in the distance he spied a young boy who periodically bent down and threw something back in the ocean.  As the boy came close, the old man asked the boy what he was doing.  The boy explained that he was throwing starfish back into the ocean so they might live. The old man said there were tens of thousands of starfish on the beach and there was really no way the boy could make a difference.  Right then, the young boy threw another starfish back into the ocean and he said, "Made a difference to that one."

I have a 3x5 card above my desk with the phrase, "Life is not about what you learn or what you know. It's all about what you DO with what you know and learn."  

Doing the RIGHT Thing

Internationally known psychologist Dr. Daniel Goleman, PhD wrote a book in 1995 titled "Emotional Intelligence" and his point was that recognizing your own emotions and the emotions of other people and responding appropriately was more than twice as important as raw intelligence alone, as a predictor of success and leadership in the workplace.  In other words, when it comes to achieving happiness and success, it doesn't matter how much you know but how well you can get along with the other people at work.

Since then, the concepts of Ethical Intelligence and Social Intelligence have evolved from emotional intelligence to say that it's not enough to just understand emotions but to take the right action based on those emotions.

Integrity: Where your actions match your beliefs.  When someone says that they believe one thing and do another, they lack integrity.  Having and displaying integrity is a prime component of character.

Socrates and Aristotle

Morals and Ethics 
The two words are actually interchangeable because they both refer to the same thing. Morals define a person's standards of behavior concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do. Ethics refers to the moral principles that guide an individual's or group's behavior and can be distilled down to a single word: reciprocity or "How would I like to be treated?". It sounds almost like the Golden Rule, except we say "Do unto others as they would have you do unto them."

Interestingly enough, all the major religions of the world are based on 5 simple principles outlined in Aristotle's "Nichomachean Ethics" written in 350BC. These principles were first written out by Aristotle as an answer to Socrates' question of "How should a man live?" and were adopted by the Church around 1000AD.

1. Do No Harm, and its two corollaries, Prevent Harm and Minimize Unavoidable Harm.
2. Make Things Better,  For others and ourselves.
3. Respect Others,  By protecting confidentiality, telling the truth and keeping your promises.
4. Be Fair,  In allocating resources, disciplining others, rectifying injustice.
5. Be Loving,  Not romance but an ideal for kindness, care and compassion.

Magic Wand Moments

If you had a magic wand, what would you do with it? 

When I was a child, I first thought that if I had one I would conjure up all manner of sugary treats with a simple wave of my wand or maybe a new pair of boots or a better winter jacket.  Just a few weeks ago I realized that I truly did have a magic wand and I could choose to use it or just leave it in its case.

I know a family of five on a limited income who lives near me and the mom is home schooling the two older children because she wants to give them a better education than what the public school system can provide.  The oldest boy is 10 and is pretty smart but the younger one who is 8 has troubles with dyslexia and can barely read.  The youngest, a three year old girl will be ready for preschool soon too.  All three kids were sharing a single laptop PC this past school year and I didn’t understand how they could get much accomplished like that.

Thank goodness epiphanies don’t hurt! 

One day, while over at their house I happened to be watching the younger boy taking his turn using the shared computer to do his schoolwork.  For some unknown reason I was reminded of how over twenty years ago I bought my 4 year old daughter a copy of a kids’ reading program called ‘Reader Rabbit’ because I wanted to give her a head start in her education and I knew that teaching her to read early would give her that vital initial boost.  (I attribute my daughter’s involvement in the Gifted & Talented programs all the way through elementary and middle school to her advanced reading and comprehension skills.)

It occurred to me in a flash that what the boy needed was his own computer and his own copy of ‘Reader Rabbit’ to play with.  I went to amazon.com and sure enough, Broderbund Software was still making the product, for current versions of Windows of course.  The fact that the software company is still around twenty odd years later is impressive because most don't last that long.  I think that is a heck of a testimonial for a children’s educational software title.  Click once to ‘Add to Cart’ and in an instant the title was on its way home to me.

A couple days later I went to a used computer store and used some of my student loan money to buy the boy a used PC for $50, added more RAM and some other parts I had lying around and then spent the next several days loading it up with all kinds of software, including his own copy of ‘Reader Rabbit’.

I installed a network hub, which I no longer needed, in their living room so that multiple machines could all connect to the Internet simultaneously.  When I told Denzel that this was ‘his’ computer and he didn’t have to share it if he didn’t want to, he looked at me with a vacant stare, eyes darting around like he was trying to calculate the orbital velocities of comets in his head. 

Later that day while watching the younger boy playing with the educational software on his new machine I noticed how intently the 3 year old girl was paying attention to what her older brother was doing.  And again, BAM, just like that I realized that she needed to have her own computer and a version of Reader Rabbit tuned to her age.  She would get the PC I just gave to her brother and I’d get him something faster, a game exactly like the one I played in the business world twenty years ago. 

A couple of weeks later when I told a friend of mine about what I did, she said that those kids weren’t my responsibility and that I should have held onto my money because I’m usually broke toward the end of the semester after my student loan money runs out early.  I explained that it was a magic wand moment, that I held the power to make a positive difference in someone else’s life and I’ll always choose to wave the wand when given the opportunity.  Watching the little girl, playing her copy of ‘Reader Rabbit Preschool’, learning her ABC’s, captivated by the game, I knew I had made the right choice, and my friend was wrong.  I walked out of their house with a big smile on my heart.

My message for you this week: “Don’t ask to be blessed, instead look around you and figure out how you can be a blessing to someone else.  Down to the youngest child, everyone has something they can share, even if it’s only a smile.  I say, wave that wand whenever you get the chance.”

Setting a Good Example

One Question for Today: 
Are you a lighthouse of inspiration or a rusty old shipwreck on the beach?


The older I get, the more aware I become of the importance of setting a good example. Younger people watch our actions for guiding their own lives. When they see us do something, they reason that if it's OK for us (because we should know better) that the action is also OK for them.


For this reason I tell others that they have only two choices; you can be a lighthouse of inspiration or a rusty shipwreck on the rocks. You can be a good example or a bad one, there is no middle ground.

Lately, after getting comments in return like, "So I need to wear sunglasses when you're around me..." I'm coming to realize that very few people understand the real meaning of what I'm saying, so starting today I'm going to create a series of posts to explain myself.

One of the most influential people in my life has been my karate instructor, not for how he taught me to punch and kick but for how he encouraged us all to become better people. At the end of every karate class we recited the 5 rules of the dojo (our training facility)
1. Seek perfection of character.
2. Be faithful (Stand by your family, your friends, your community and your country. Keep your word and honor your commitments.)
3. Endeavor to always do your best.
4. Respect others.
5. Refrain from violent behavior.
Even though it’s been many years since I’ve done any karate training, I still follow the 5 rules, because they also apply to everyday life, not just karate. The first rule is the most important one and the other 4 are really just parts of the first one.

So what the heck is ‘character’ anyway? Most people have an idea but can’t come up with a decent definition. In one sentence I would say that character is the sum of all the qualities that define a person. I’m talking about things like having integrity, high morals and exhibiting ethical behavior.

How do we perfect our character? We gain character and demonstrate it by making good choices, like doing the right thing for the right reason, even when no one is watching, not talking about other people behind their backs, etc. Character is formed not only by dramatic tests and crises, but also by the constant and routine acts of everyday life. As we are faced with varying circumstances every day and decide how to act on them, our actions and deeds become our habits, and our habits become our character.

Demonstrating character means standing up for your beliefs about right and wrong and resisting peer pressure to do wrong. Character is also about being responsible; thinking before you act, considering the consequences, and being accountable when you screw up.